STRANGE.

i dream every night and i sometimes remember my dreams vividly. there is something wrong with my dreams recently which i find rather strange - i have been having dreams about ghosts. even more strange, these ghosts somehow do really exist, i know.

few nights back, i dreamt about my whole extended family going to my uncle's place in Taman Sentose, Klang. in that dream, i didn't want to enter his house because all of us know that it's haunted. in the end, however, i was forced to enter by my aunt (not his wife; my mum's sister). the moment i entered the house, my legs weakened and i immediately kneeled on the floor. i turned to my right and i saw two extra televisions - the two televisions were playing the black and white image that you get when the televisions are not tuned properly. everyone was so quiet in the room because they didn't want to disturb the two ghosts that were "watching" the untuned televisions. i cried, begging everyone to go back which they agreed. when we were about the leave, the two ghosts stared at us, asking us to not leave or we will face the nasty consequences.

and that was it, i woke up after that.

in reality, my uncle's house is really haunted. my two young cousins, aged eight and six, they can see the three extra "people" their house. back when the six-year-old cousin was younger, he would constantly ask his mum why is there a woman standing at the corner of their room watching them sleep. also, whenever my grandma stays over, she would wake up with pinch marks on her hands. they did hire people from the temple to send the extra "people" away but to no avail. then again, the extra "people" did go away for a moment. recently, they came back to the house, always hanging out at the staircase. my little cousins are so afraid of them that they two don't dare to go upstairs to sleep. now, they are planning to move out from that house as a solution.

and that was that.

then yesterday night, i dreamt of another strange dream that my maternal grandma and my non-existent busty girlfriend (wtf) got possessed. they got possessed when we were in the jungle, near to the waterfall. the ghost took turn to possess my grandma and my non-existent bust girlfriend, not wanting to leave them at all.

i don't remember what happened after that.

in reality, back when i was in Langkawi, we went to the Seven Wells waterfall. that waterfall has few levels that we can actually climb up. we climbed three levels up which was around 20 feet plus above the base. while we were tanning up there, this bunch of monkeys came. they were moving towards my bag which then contained my camera and wallet. so panicked, i rushed down to save my bag. unfortunately, i slipped and slided all the way down to the base. i thought i was dying when i slipped because heck, it was 20 feet plus above! i, however, managed to survive unhurted which i really feel thankful. so blablabla, we went back to the hotel and in the night, we found out that there was an Italian man who slipped and fell at that exact same waterfall too. unfortunately for him, he didn't survive.

this dream got me thinking. why is it somehow connected to what actually happened to me? both happened in the jungle, near the waterfall. what? is this a sign?

i know, i know we tend to dream about things that we have in mind all the time. the thing is, my only thought before hitting the sack the night before was how miserable my life is going to be in Australia wtf.

i am worried, i hope everything is nothing but a dream. sorry la, i know i am dramatic wtf.

PRE-DEPARTURE SYNDROME™ (PDS).

symptoms are as below,

1. not being able to sleep in the night as the first thing that comes into the mind whenever the eyes are closed is "OMG I AM LEAVING ALREADY."
2. have the urge to settle everything as soon as possible so that it is possible to enjoy the last days in homeland.
3. very reluctant to pack the clothes.
4. very reluctant to leave the house unless hanging out with close friends.

i am still trying to understand this syndrome so these are the only four symptoms that i detected so far wtf.

oh hey, ten more days until my departure morning FML.

i really don't know. this part of me feels excited for it being a whole new experience but another part of me feels really reluctant. i mean, heck, my life is so comfortable and good over here but i chose to go Australia only to be tortured there wtf. imagine i have wash my own clothes, cook my own food and etc FML. argh, too late to regret *sighs out loud//

on a slightly better note, i just highlighted my hair brownish red and i seriously love it! huahuahua so much for everyone kept saying that i will turn out to be a lala which i actually don't mind because i don't see what's wrong with being one wtf. also, i made new thick framed spectacles woohoo i can has a nerdy look double wtf.

okay lah, i am going to continue mourning bye.

WE'RE PLASTIC BUT WE STILL HAVE FUN.

i am sure that many knows about Heidi Montag's news - the one that she did 10 procedures in one operation. if not, just hop over here to have an insight. assuming that you now know about the story already, according to her, she claimed that she was insecure about her face and body. as a result, she chose to undergo those surgeries to make herself feel better.

i hate to say this but i understand her wtf.

everyday when i look at the mirror, i stare at that face with ugly eyebags. i really really really feel like going under the knives to remove the eyebags (i also don't know how but janji the doctor knows can already wtf) and also take botox injections to remove the wrinkles under my eyes wtf *weeps like a homeless old lady// then maybe some other procedures to make myself look extra better. if only i am a Korean or Thai who all are so supportive of plastic surgeries.

(attention to parents to children who are obsessed with Kpop: your children are very likely to get themselves plastic surgery or at least botox in the next ten years haha wtf)

allow me to dream, if i were to be like Heidi Montag in the next ten years, i will make sure i look like these people after my surgery wtf FML man already thinking of this kind of things at such young age (come to think of it i am already 20 FML):

Onew of SHINee

he is the handsome leader of SHINee. then again, i didn't think that he is handsome until he appeared in the Christmas episode of Invicible Youth - he looked so damn good during that episode! i like the fact that he can really sing and also the fact that he chose Narsha as his ideal type made me like him even better.  *sighs// if only i have his look and his talent FML.

Key of SHINee

when Calvin introduced SHINee through their Ring Ding Dong video to me, the first person i noticed was Key for his cool hairstyle. after that, i saw more of him in reality/talk shows and those were the times when i really think that he is really good looking. though with the bad boy look, he is still cute in some ways - i want to be like that too wtf since girls nowadays like bad boys double wtf.

Tae Yang of Big Bang

just when most people think that TOP is the best looking in Big Bang, i think Tae Yang is the better looking one! i would rather look more like Tae Yang than TOP because Tae Yang is the cutesy manly while TOP is the manly manly wtf i like to be cute cannot ah.

Dong Hae of Super Junior

best looking out of the 13 members, period.

Kevin of U-Kiss

when i saw him on Star Golden Bell yesterday, i really felt like slapping him for being so good looking FML. oh guess what, he is a year younger than me somemore double FML. i seriously think that people who stays in the America as a child will somehow grow up to be someone good looking; look at Kevin, look at John Park (the American Idol guy) and many more!

Luke Worrall

okay, he is probably not the best looking male model out there but i give him credits for capturing Kelly Osbourne's heart. that girl has taste, so he has to be good looking otherwise she wouldn't even date him right?

(at this point, i am already bored of writing pointless description about these people haha but i will try to my best to continue)

Anderson Cooper

Anderson Cooper is a hot old man! i wish to look like him when i am eighty though he is actually only... forty-three wtf? i thought he was a hundred or something. wait, is his grey hair original or he got it due to excessive stress or he just got it for no reason? woah, even his brows are grey wtf.

Ben Affleck

this man wakes up next to Jennifer Garner every morning! hey, who doesn't want to look like him and get such a beautiful wife?

okay this is the end. actually i have more good looking people like Lee Hom, Raymond Lam, Lee Hongki, etc's photos to post up here but i am just too lazy to go look up for pictures wtf besides everyone knows how they look like right? unless you are not a Chinese duh.

and just when you think i am going to end abruptly here *evil laughs//,

i am going to continue for the opposite sex! as in who would i want to look like if i am an ugly girl wtf i know i am not helping those who already feel insecure of their body/face haha.

Hara of Kara

my favourite member of Kara. she stands out the most to me among the five members because she is really tall and cutesy sexy - i like girls who can be cute and sexy at the same time hohoho. i think any girl with her height and look can easily be a model, so yeah, remind me who doesn't want to look like her again?

Nicole of Kara

just like Kevin, she is raised in America. so yeah, she is pretty just like that, as easy as abc wtf *plays Jackson Five ABC//

Narsha of Brown Eyed Girls

OMG OMG OMG NARSHA! she is like my favourite woman in the entire entertainment world; i can seriously die in peace if i ever have the chance to meet her wtf seriously, her beauty is so prominent until i was super attracted to her without knowing that she is actually Narsha (my only image of her back then was she with the cover-one-eye hair) during the first time i watched Invicible Youth. plus, she had no make-up on that time! ah, i know she did surgeries before but who gives a shit when the end result is so damn good? i give her lots of ♥s!

Hyomin of T-ara

the best looking member of T-ara, no doubt. ahh whenever she performs Bo Peep Bo Peep, it just makes me melt.

Jennifer Garner

the first time i actually noticed that she is really beautiful was back when i was watching 13 Going On 30 - you will never know how many times i watch that movie. undeniably beautiful, she should be awarded Most Beautiful Woman every year! and did you guys watched The Kingdom? she looked stunning even with the least amount of make-up.

Victoria Beckham

if Victoria is a religion, all the girls in the universe should be her follower. come on, she is the queen of Hollywood! she is so hot and pretty that she can pull off any look with just a snap of the fingers. and hey, who doesn't want to be her even just for a minute, right? if you really don't want to be her, you can admit yourself to the mental hospital please haha.

again, these are just the few selected ones. people like Meryl Streep and Salma Hayek, etc should also be shortlisted! also, also members of Afterschool like Uee and Ga Hui too! also, also, members of SNSD like Yoona and Yuri! *clears throat// sorry for the fanboy's reaction wtf but yeah, i have been focusing on more girl groups than boy groups haha.

okay, now i am going to end abruptly because i need my sleep wtf until then, adios!

BEAUTIFUL LIFE.

for an hour after seeing the children of this cleaner happily helping her out in washing the toilet, i felt this warm feeling in my heart - the kind of warm feeling that you can only feel within the heart. i felt really happy for this family, they are the living proof that you can still be truely happy even if you are not financially stable, even if you are not out hanging out at the hottest spots with your friends. that was actually the reason why i actually redefined my whole meaning of happiness. that scenario made me wonder if i was actually really happy or  just being happy impulsively when i am in the club, when i am out singing in the karaoke, when i am out hanging in the bar, when i am shopping? i never figured that out until the previous weeks when i stayed at home most of the times or when i am hanging out with my closest friends, i realised that i was actually really happy, happier than ever. that answered my question, i was just being happy impulsively all the whiles. having that answered, i have been staying at home most the the times with activities with my closest friends coming up once a while - i am now proud to say that i am truely happy.

one more thing i realised about is that true friends they accept you for whoever you are, period. they accept your flaws when others would talk about it, gossip about it. you can be whoever you are when you are with them; you just don't have to hide anything from them. also, i learned that true friends are those who do things for you willingly and sincerely. i believe that the true friends concept is pretty similar to the theory of one who is really willing and sincere in donating is the one donating without making a scene out of it. i have been seeing this person trying so hard by offering various helps to this group of people, making third parties like me feel like he is trying too hard to be friends with that group of people. it also feels as though as that the group of people are just using him and he feels happy being used. on the other hand, i have also been seeing this person trying all his best to help his friends and when his friends thank him, he said "it's okay, this is what friends are for". on the surface, both the person are the same - they're both helping their friends. however, one is willing but may be insincere while the other is both willing and sincere. so i thought, although the first person seems to be the perfect friend for his willingness but i believe that willingness is not equals to sincerity. what is the point of befriending someone who is not sincere? someone who is pretending to be willing just so he can buy your friendship? however, should we give him the benefit of the doubt and find out that he is also sincere, he is undenialbly a true friend then. the second person on the other hand, is undoubtedly the kind of friend everyone should look for - sincere, willing and value friendship. similar to the donation theory, really. learning that, it is pretty hard for me to see when people use "oh you're my new close/best/etc friend!" so loosely. it's like they're so shallow, no? whatever it is, i know i have a bunch of true friends and that is enough, i need not those two-faced people as friends (how funny for me to say that when i am one myself towards certain people).

life is undoubtedly filled with many questions left unanswered. it definitely feels good when you get them answered one by one. while for those that are a little tougher to get an answer, i guess you just have to take time.

some of you may know that i have been asking around what is the meaning of love (as in the soulmate/partner kind of love) for them. that is probably the silliest question to ask one but true enough, i did ask and i got answers from "bullshit" to "someone who you cannot live without and would die for". it is pretty interesting, i must say, to have an idea of what everyone thinks of love. that goes to show that love is something that you have to find for yourself, not by asking everyone as every different person has their own definition of love. that's why you see some people find love something that is easy to feel, while some find it hard - i probably belong to the latter because i really think that love does not exist at such tender age. i guess that is also why you see some relationships last for a lifetime while some last only for a short period of time, why you see some people use the word "love" loosely while some hardly use the sacred word. those who think that they have found their definition of "love", bitch i am envy you. i am learning using the hard way now, though not by involving myself in various relationships but instead, taking some extra time to understand it using my five senses. as for now, i will just settle in loving my family and closest friends.

on a related note, i have also been questioning myself is that whether marriage is necessary? i have been wondering ever since watching He's Just Not That Into Who - Neil refused to marry Beth because he thinks that marriage is something that is insignificant. i am with Neil at this because i think marriage is just an assurance to the ladies, making the ladies feel more secured. the question is, is marriage even a good form of assurance? don't we see divorce cases all over, don't we see married man cheating on their wives ie. Tiger Woods? don't all those just prove that marriage is not a good assurance - if you are marrying as an assurance that both of you will walk the road together forever? what is the point of going through so many procedures then? we even have a living proof of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie who remain happy even though they are still unmarried. that is really something worth thinking, in my opinion that is. then again, maybe this what i may feel at this age - who knows i might think otherwise in the future? only time will tell.

one more thing that puzzles me is: why do some people have to be so religionist? a rather sensitive thing to mention in a public profile but i will go on nevertheless. i started realising this back when i was in primary - my aunt once brought me to her place of worshipping and that was when the kids there started dissing me saying that i will go hell instead of heaven just because i am of another religion. i didn't take to heart back then as i thought that was probably because those kids are still immatured. then as i grow, i started seeing few friends of this certain religion befriending only people of their religion. that is just not about it, i see also certain people of this religion started talking people of other religion into converting religion by using insults like "your Gods are all devil". there are also those who keep insisting that their friends should go to their place of worshipping. i have also heard from a friend that this bunch of strangers kept going to his house to bring his sister to their place of worshipping also his sister said that she doesn't want to go - she was so scared of them until the extend that she always ask him to lie to them that she is not at home. the question is why? why do these people have to bother about other people's religion so much? everyone has their right to their own religion and all we can do is just to respect their religion instead of keep attempting to convert them to your religion. after all, all religions teach pretty much the same things; there is no one religion (i am talking about the main religions, not those like Ayah Pin kind of religion) that teaches its followers into doing bad. so why is it so hard for these people to accept others' religions? then again, i understand that these people are just trying to share their religion with the others but hmm, until the extend of insulting other's religion? until the extend of keep insisting that their friends should pay a visit to their place of worshipping? is that the way your religion encourages you to spread its glory? using the mentioned ways, i think instead of spreading their religion's glory, they are bringing the religion's name down. we all learn to appreciate and  respect others' religion, not insulting their religions just so that they convert to yours. i really think that these people who actually do those should sit back and think, is that a good way to spread their religion? i honestly think that the best way to spread religion is by showing examples - people will convert to your religion willingly if you exhibit good examples. tell me, would you convert your religion to be the same as those who learn how to insult others' religions? as those who spread their religion in a forceful way? ah, the whole point is i really don't understand why some people are so religionist. oh, just in case you are a sensitive person, i am really not talking about the religion as i really respect all religions. i am only talking about some of the followers that behave a little too scary. i do have many friends who are of different religion from me and i seriously do get along with most of them despite the religion clash as we respect one another. if they can, why not these religionists?

the final thing that has been making me think is the question of life, as in what is the purpose of my life? i believe that everyone's life has a purpose, be it helping others or contributing to the society or whatever else. it's like Angelina Jolie, you know? although her main career is as an actress, the real purpose of her life is not acting but giving back to the society. what is mine then? until now, i really think that i haven't done anything that can be counted as the purpose of my life; i think the best help i ever give was carrying this old lady's heavy luggage from one side of a pedestrian bridge to another. hmm, i don't know but i think that i really need to know the purpose of my life so i can work towards it. now, without knowing it, i feel that life is pretty meaningless, no?

many other questions but these are the few that really make me think. just wondering if there are others, just like me, searching for answers to the many questions of life.

AMERICAN DREAM.

my friend of eight years is already in America now, after his 30 hours flight.

for those who don't know, Sin Yueen is currently enrolled in Drake University studying actuarial science. Drake is located in Iowa which is at midwest America; it has Kansas and Nebraska as its neighbours. so yeah, he is actually 14 hours behind of us right now and when i go Australia next month, he will be 17 hours behind of me wtf almost one day! how to communicate with him how? *weeps//

ANYWAY,

as he will not be back any time soon due to the packed timetable of three semesters a year, we threw him two farewell nightouts on the previous Wednesday and Friday. Wednesday was at Opera to introduce him to the clubbing scene wtf as if i am very pro while Friday was just a simple BBQ session at Robin's.

Wednesday @ Opera

actually we never thought of bringing him to a club at all but all thanks to Robin's itchy legs, we decided to just bring everyone else who are still virgins to the clubbing scene ie. Sin Yueen himself, Soon Poh and Chee Ann. Opera it was because it is new and most of us are already sick of M.O.S. so yeah. being cheap, we headed there before 10.00pm to avoid cover charge wtf but we ended up spending a hefty sum on our drinks for the first time - we usually open only one bottle but this time around we got real a lot of imported beers.

for those who are interested to know, IMO Opera is a pretty cool club. the only two letdowns are that it has older crowd and the dancefloor sucks. other than that, i like everything else from there: from the friendly Nigerian waitresses, awesome songs (imagine everyone going crazy over Kesha, Lady Gaga and Timbaland) and nice deco! they even have those circusy performances every one hour on the stage which are pretty interesting.

come to think of it, that was my first time going club with only highschool people! although we may appear as sad bunch of boys with no girls but i must say that i had maximum amount of fun that night. who would have thought that a simple card game can give us that much of laughters haha.

we left the club at 2.00am heading to the mamak to hang out a while to neutralise the excessive amount of beer haha i was a tiny bit tipsy.

awesome night out that we should do more often before time runs out *plays MUSE - My Time Is Running Out//

Friday @ Robin's

we were supposed to head over to Bukit Cahaya, Shah Alam for a night since they have many activities like cycling but all the chalets were already fully booked FOL. in the end, Robin, who was the planner of the day (we draw cards to decide who plans a particular outing), decided that we should just have a BBQ session in his house.

in the afternoon, Robin, Sue Ann (Robin's sister), Sin Yueen, Calvin and myself headed to Tesco to get essentials before heading back to Robin's to prepare for the night. it was a true new experience because... I MARINATED THE CHICKEN wtf. it was also my first time making a fruit punch though Robin was actually the one mixing - all i did was just to look double wtf.

also, something worth mentioning that happened that night is how much we actually laughed at Jun Loong's Discovery WTF™ haha. it is actually about something that he came across online and i am supposed to write back but i decided to be a peaceful person so yeah. i retire from being a bitch haha wtf.

back to the story,

again it was another good night with enough amount of beer thanks to Ainsley for bringing them. after cleaning up, just like the other time, some of us hung out until 2.00am just talking in the house. good night with the right company spells awesome.

Monday @ KLIA

his departure night.

goodbye friend, you know all of us love you! and you obviously love us too haha wtf. take good care of yourself over there and i really hope to see you next year! oh, download Oovoo too so that we can have video conference with the rest if we can find a suitable time that is haha.

on another note, seeing him taking the escalator down made me wonder how would i feel when it is my turn in thirty-three more days. time definitely flies, no? it feels like just yesterday when all of us are still having fun in highschool but now, one is already in Melbourne, one is in Manchester and now another on in Iowa. fuhhh, really crazy circle of friends i have!

okay, this is the end of our farewells with Sin Yueen.

signing off.